“Ano? Never been kissed ka? Ilang taon ka na ba?” [What? You’ve never been kissed? Aren’t you old enough?]
This question has been asked to me for so many times whenever people would find out that I’m an NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth). With all the OA reactions I get as a response, most of the time I wonder if is it really unusual for a woman at 20s to be an NBSB? I always wonder if I am really being left behind. But, seriously, is there a rulebook that says that every woman has to get a partner before they reach 20 or else they will never have a chance to have a happily ever after?
I came from a family wherein half the percentage of the women on the blood line gets married late, to the point that most of them are really old that they were not able to carry a child anymore. The other 30% remain single forever and the remaining 20% belongs to the third sex. Yes, they are lesbians. With these crazy facts, I cannot and I will not even dare to try denying that being single worries me a lot. I know myself that I am straight so please do not include me on the said 20%. The fact that we are a family of late bloomers scared me so much. Yes, I have to admit that I am afraid that I may not be able to have kids or worse, remain single forever. So, yeah… in order to convince myself that everything is fine, I did so many crazy things to hide my worries. And here are some:
- I tried using dating apps.
Yes, maybe this is the most hopeless move a single lady could ever do. Chatous, Tinder, Skout, etc., I have tried all these shits before, hoping that maybe, one of these random strangers I’ve been chatting is my Mr. Right. But all these fail as I delete every account of mine once I encounter someone asshole. Of course, I should do it; we all have to protect ourselves no matter what.
- I considered going to a blind date.
It seems like my family is also worried about my relationship status. One day, my aunt went to our home and told me that her husband’s friend has a son of my age and she asked me if I want to consider going to a blind date with that guy. That day, I have to admit that I am in doubt but I ended up agreeing with the plan. I just thought that my aunt will never introduce an asshole guy to me. The thing is, a week before the date, my aunt called me to tell that we have to cancel the meeting because that guy I was supposed to meet had to leave the country immediately for he was able to get a job overseas. To sum it up, the plan failed too.
- Gays are maybe fine.
Let’s stick to the fact that in this modern age, a huge percentage of men are not straight. A sort of confession, yes, I once considered dating a gay. Hahahaha But, of course, I immediately came back to my senses and realized all the stupidity I was thinking.
- I assume so much.
I had a classmate whom I think flirt me before, let’s call him “JL”. Well, I am pretty sure he wasn’t just being friendly because you will never spend a whole night texting your friend and telling her how attractive she is. The thing is, I assumed that there is ‘something’ going on between us. So, being so excited for we all know that this is my first time to experience such stuff, I tell my friends about it. But, unexpectedly, as the news spread on the school grounds, surprisingly, this guy denied me as fucked. Just thinking what he did to me makes me wanna throw my laptop now so please, let me stop our fucking story here.
- I had a fake boyfriend.
Just to show the world that I am not a loser, my friends and I had a stupid idea – me having a ‘fake’ boyfriend. This idea came out after JL’s denial. For me to get rid of funny comments, we have decided to tell the class that I am in a relationship with someone else. Because of that, the class thought that what happened to me and JL is just a big joke or fake news rather and there is no big deal with that. That lie saved me from so much humiliation.
- I gave myself a chocolate.
This is part of JL’s story. There’s a moment where I did gave myself chocolates and pretended that it was given by my ‘fake’ boyfriend just to convince everybody that I am in a relationship. Crazy, isn’t it?
- I cried in front of our relatives when my uncle made fun of my single status.
My uncle said that her 16 years old daughter already has a boyfriend and ironically, instead of getting mad, he seems so proud that her daughter is in a relationship at 16. He’s saying that her daughter is really attractive that she was able to get a guy at 16. The thing is, he, just like any other, asked me if I do have a boyfriend. I said, no. Then, he laughed and said that I should focus on my career and earn a lot of money so that when I am already rich, guys would finally like me. I cannot stop myself that moment and started to cry. I had a crazy crying scene that day. I don’t know if I’m too sensitive that time or he’s just too insensitive.
- I stop going to family reunions.
This started after my crying scene. People get tired as usual. And me, myself, admits that most of the time, I feel so sick with all my relatives side comments and repetitive questions. “When are you going to have a boyfriend?” “You’re on the right age, go and get a guy.” “OMG! Your younger cousin has a boyfriend already.” I feel like it’s too exhausting answering these people so I have decided to avoid going to family gatherings. And also, this is my way of protecting myself from getting hurt. You know, harsh comments and hypotheses on why I am still single.
Maybe all of us did crazy things on some point of our life. Maybe this is some kind of defense mechanism that will protect us from being hurt. Could you blame me if I did such things? As a matter of fact, 20 is still a young age. I am fully aware of that. I think what affects us so much and cause us to worry and doubt is the pressure brought by the people around us. I cannot apply it to myself but, please, don’t be like me. Girls, try to enjoy freedom!